What my mum got right

What my mum got right

Too often I hear people blaming all that is wrong in their lives on their parents.

I guess it's a big part of our culture, and I think it is based in Freud's thinking. I am not talking James Freud, although he was one clever bunny. But I am talking Sigmund.

Sigmund related much of our adult behaviours and problems to what happened in childhood. Maybe we had problems toilet-training, so that makes us “anally retentive,” or trouble with being weaned from the breast – and, no, fellas, that does not excuse any breast obsessions!

Parents are human. Parents became parents without training, without manuals, without rule books. They had to work it out as they went. None are perfect. The absolute majority did what they thought was best at the time.

I want to dedicated this blog to my mother who is now in her eighties.

Mum brought  us up on her own (at least for the first six years of my life). She somehow managed to make ends meet on the tiny pension she got, with both of us below school-age. How she managed this, I don't think I will ever know, this is not what I want to share with you today.

What I want to share are some of her ingenious child-rearing practices.

1. Calendar Days (this only works if there are two children)
   Calendar Days is a system by which children get equal turns at things. My brother chose to be even, and I chose odd (funny that!). Every second day, you got to choose which shows to watch on television, which records (aka CDs) we would listen to, and even which bedtime story was to be shared. Any choice that needed to be made was made  by the one who's “day it was.”
   Genius!!
   
   
2. The Fine System
   We got given a small amount of “pocket money” - I think it was $1 a week. Pocket Money day was the same day each week. There were no advances. It was how it was.
   Linked in with this, was a Fine System. All of our unacceptable behaviour was given a monetary value, and it would come off our pocket money.
   If following the rules was really hard one week, you may not end up with much, or sometimes none at all.
   We quickly learned that there were consequences for our actions. Consequences that we didn't like.
   At a later stage, a Reward System was also introduced. This meant that is we did above and beyond our usual jobs we would get a set reward.

3. The Ejector Seat Button
   This one was scary!
   My brother and I liked to bicker in the car – well, to be honest, I think we bickered anywhere and everywhere. Poor Mum had to somehow drive AND cope with us. Hence the invention of the Ejector Seat Button.
   Even whilst writing this I say it with awe and fear.
   In the midst us carrying on, Mum would calmly state, “I am reaching for the Ejector Seat Button,” as she leaned slightly towards the gear stick.
   Both of us had fertile imaginations, the vision of us flying out through the roof of the car and up into the air was vivid!
   It worked every single time! (Heck, it might even still work now!)
   
   
4. The Bedtime Story
   Often at the end of the day, Mum was exhausted. She was too tired to read. But she also highly valued the bedtime story (I think no child should ever go to sleep without a bedtime story, but I digress).
   So, she would lay back on one of our beds and tell us one.
   Vivid imaginations certainly ran in the family – and I am very grateful that they do!
   
   
5. Belief in Us
   Mum has been amazing.
   She has been such a great mother, and also such a great friend.
   This final thing I am about to share with you is one of the most incredible things that my mother has ever done. She does it day in, day out. She does not falter in it. She does not even realise the power of what she has done. She only knows about it because I thank her again and again.
   She believes in us.
   She is honest. She will tell us what she really thinks. She expresses her concerns. She may even advise against. But, whatever it is that we choose to do, she supports us no matter what.
   She honestly, and completely, believes in us.
   I think that this is the most valuable gift a parent can give.
   It means that we believe in ourselves, too.

Thank you, Mum! You are a massive inspiration to me.

I hope that these five ideas of yours will be a massive inspiration to others, too!

Gee, I would love to hear ways that your parents have inspired you, too...