Remember
Samantha Stephens, the good witch wife of Darrin Stephens in the
1960's television series, “Bewitched”? I want to take you on a
quick journey to examine this character... a bit of a magic carpet
ride, if you will?
Having
recently rewatched episodes up until the birth of her daughter
Tabitha, I have come to realise that there was so much more to the
show than the light entertainment I enjoyed as a child.
Samantha
was a cliché wife of the time on many levels – she was a
housewife, she aimed to please her husband, she accepted whatever he
said, she was neat and pretty, and did all the good-housewife things
that women of the time were supposed to.
But
there were many other layers – not just her being a witch - but
other “big issue” things that I think makes her still relevant
for people (females and males) of today.
Darrin
did things on occasion that she did not like. Often this was making a
disparaging comment about a family member or about witches in
general. Samantha showed her disapproval clearly, and in a mature
way. Sometimes she would get up and eat in another room, other times
she would “twitch” him downstairs on the couch.
Regardless,
she put some distance between them as soon as she felt hurt or
offended, and then she would calmly and rationally talk about it.
To
me, at times, it looked like she was being petulant and going off in
a “huff.” But on reflection, she was making her point with a
maturity that would be nice if more people used.
I
can't imagine her “saying something in the heat of the moment” or
having to excuse herself with “I didn't mean that, I said it when I
was angry.”
Too
many people use this as an excuse. My father always told me that
“many a true word is spoken in jest.” I also think that often the
truth is blurted out in anger.
I
also condone the distance idea. If you are too upset or hurt or angry
to have a conversation about
the problem, the you are
better off waiting. “Time out” works for children, and it works
for adults too. It is okay to wait til you are calmer. It is
advisable to wait til you can talk logically – responding rather
than reacting to a situation.
Samantha
coped very well with Darrin's thoughtless behaviours – springing
extra guests on her for a dinner party (she had magic, true), last-minute cancelling meals with her to have lunch with clients or
other women.
She
was concerned at times – but chose classy ways to check up on him
and reassure herself. Mostly, she was fine and coped well. Usually
she called him up and sorted things then and there.
In
one episode, she tells her mother, Endora (isn't she
fabulous!) that their marriage works because they don't get dramatic
and emotional about things. She promptly bursts into tears when she
gets him on the phone, a tastefully comic moment.
The
modern message, I think, is to trust your partner. I have always
said, “If you can't trust them, you shouldn't be with them” - and
I mean trust on every level. Trust them to be faithful, trust them to
be honest and respectful in all their dealings with you... Trust on
every level.
Samantha
also stood up for herself and what she believed in. Often this was
depicted through her opposition to the portrayal of witches.
She
was eloquent and reasoned, appealing to logic and common sense,
rather that being emotional, over the top, or nagging.
She
had her own belief system and she created change through explaining
or showing things to people. She was principled and intelligent.
Still relevant today.
Darrin
made her promise time and time again to not use witchcraft.
Initially, she'd promise, and she would try, but often she
would end up using it anyway.
What
this says to me, in no uncertain terms, is that it is impossible to
maintain not-being-true-to-yourself. That is, you can only keep it up
for so long before your true self arises. (Hence the idea of really
getting to know someone before you get involved.)
This
means that you cannot change who you are inherently, although you can
change behaviours. But it also means that you can't change other
people.
Often,
the advice “just be yourself” is handed out to young people. This
advice is strange, as a young person often has no idea who they are,
they are searching for their place.
Young
people go through a stage of searching for how they are meant to be,
what they are meant to be, who they are meant to be... and really,
the answer is “themselves.” What this means is being authentic.
Knowing who you are inside, what matters and what is important to you
– and being true to this.
Some
people are lucky enough to work it out quickly, most people get some
idea in their twenties or even thirties. For some, when they haven't
found their authentic self, things tend to fall apart and hence the
“mid-life crises” occurs somewhere in their forties or fifties.
Mid-life
doesn't have to be fraught with a crises... but you do need to work
on “your stuff” so that you can cruise through it.
This
is a blog, not an essay, so I won't keep on... But I think there is
enough evidence to demonstrate that Samantha isn't a relic of the
past, but a role model for the modern day as well. She is
intelligent, articulate, principled, authentic and behaves with
dignity and decorum. She also has fun!
All
attributes, I think you will agree, are ones that we can all embrace.
PS
Elizabeth Montgomery, who played this character, was a crusader for
women’s and gay rights. From what I have read of her as a person,
she was pretty amazing!
