DETOXING YOUR HOME – Part 4

Thank you for joining me again in Detoxing Your Home.

In this part we will begin to look at personal care products.

There's good news and there's scary news!

Let's do the scary bit first.

In mainstream personal care products (including skin care, deodorants, moisturisers, soaps, shampoos...) the ingredients are mainly chemical.

There are over 10,000 different chemicals used in the personal care products industry – and very few (nowhere near even a third) of them have been tested for their safe use.

It takes the authorities about 3-5 years to test one chemical (there are many reasons for this – but now is not the time). In the meantime, there are hundreds of chemicals that are released every year. Hundreds of untested chemicals.

What is tested and accepted in the US is deemed appropriate for use here in Australia.

The general rule is that they are safe unless proven unsafe. Now, I get the innocent until proven guilty for individuals, but not chemicals. Chemicals are used widely in products that are distributed all over the world. They affect millions of people – adversely.

Now for the scary bit (yes, that was scary – but you ain't seen nothing yet!).

These chemicals are not used alone. They are used in combination.

What research is showing is that if chemical A causes x and y, and chemical B causes g.

Naturally, then you would expect that chemicals A and B, when used together would cause x + y + g. It's simple mathematics, right? 

Wrong! Very, very, very wrong.

Reseachers are finding that when they test chemicals in combination, they are getting results that are way off the scale.

Adding salt to the injury, I must also tell you about the “safe levels.”

Standards are set for “safe” use of chemicals (ie levels that only kill less than 50% of the animals that they were tested on). But what is not considered is, that unlike the rats that may only get to “wear” chemical S, humans get a combination of up to 20 different personal care products per day – which themselves are made from anywhere upwards of 10 different chemicals (more likely to be in the hundreds or thousands). What happens when you combine all of those “safe” individual levels?

I can't tell you, because no one actually knows!!

That's scary!

The good bit? There are many companies and small businesses that are making products that are a lot safer. Next time, we will talk about what to look for, and what to avoid.

Thanks for joining me.

Samantha Stephens: an icon from the past or a modern role model?

Remember Samantha Stephens, the good witch wife of Darrin Stephens in the 1960's television series, “Bewitched”? I want to take you on a quick journey to examine this character... a bit of a magic carpet ride, if you will?

Having recently rewatched episodes up until the birth of her daughter Tabitha, I have come to realise that there was so much more to the show than the light entertainment I enjoyed as a child.

Samantha was a cliché wife of the time on many levels – she was a housewife, she aimed to please her husband, she accepted whatever he said, she was neat and pretty, and did all the good-housewife things that women of the time were supposed to.

But there were many other layers – not just her being a witch - but other “big issue” things that I think makes her still relevant for people (females and males) of today.

Darrin did things on occasion that she did not like. Often this was making a disparaging comment about a family member or about witches in general. Samantha showed her disapproval clearly, and in a mature way. Sometimes she would get up and eat in another room, other times she would “twitch” him downstairs on the couch.

Regardless, she put some distance between them as soon as she felt hurt or offended, and then she would calmly and rationally talk about it.

To me, at times, it looked like she was being petulant and going off in a “huff.” But on reflection, she was making her point with a maturity that would be nice if more people used.

I can't imagine her “saying something in the heat of the moment” or having to excuse herself with “I didn't mean that, I said it when I was angry.”

Too many people use this as an excuse. My father always told me that “many a true word is spoken in jest.” I also think that often the truth is blurted out in anger.

I also condone the distance idea. If you are too upset or hurt or angry to have a conversation about the problem, the you are better off waiting. “Time out” works for children, and it works for adults too. It is okay to wait til you are calmer. It is advisable to wait til you can talk logically – responding rather than reacting to a situation.

Samantha coped very well with Darrin's thoughtless behaviours – springing extra guests on her for a dinner party (she had magic, true), last-minute cancelling meals with her to have lunch with clients or other women.

She was concerned at times – but chose classy ways to check up on him and reassure herself. Mostly, she was fine and coped well. Usually she called him up and sorted things then and there.

In one episode, she tells her mother, Endora (isn't she fabulous!) that their marriage works because they don't get dramatic and emotional about things. She promptly bursts into tears when she gets him on the phone, a tastefully comic moment.

The modern message, I think, is to trust your partner. I have always said, “If you can't trust them, you shouldn't be with them” - and I mean trust on every level. Trust them to be faithful, trust them to be honest and respectful in all their dealings with you... Trust on every level.

Samantha also stood up for herself and what she believed in. Often this was depicted through her opposition to the portrayal of witches.

She was eloquent and reasoned, appealing to logic and common sense, rather that being emotional, over the top, or nagging.

She had her own belief system and she created change through explaining or showing things to people. She was principled and intelligent. Still relevant today.

Darrin made her promise time and time again to not use witchcraft. Initially, she'd promise, and she would try, but often she would end up using it anyway. 

What this says to me, in no uncertain terms, is that it is impossible to maintain not-being-true-to-yourself. That is, you can only keep it up for so long before your true self arises. (Hence the idea of really getting to know someone before you get involved.)

This means that you cannot change who you are inherently, although you can change behaviours. But it also means that you can't change other people.

Often, the advice “just be yourself” is handed out to young people. This advice is strange, as a young person often has no idea who they are, they are searching for their place.

Young people go through a stage of searching for how they are meant to be, what they are meant to be, who they are meant to be... and really, the answer is “themselves.” What this means is being authentic. Knowing who you are inside, what matters and what is important to you – and being true to this.

Some people are lucky enough to work it out quickly, most people get some idea in their twenties or even thirties. For some, when they haven't found their authentic self, things tend to fall apart and hence the “mid-life crises” occurs somewhere in their forties or fifties.

Mid-life doesn't have to be fraught with a crises... but you do need to work on “your stuff” so that you can cruise through it.

This is a blog, not an essay, so I won't keep on... But I think there is enough evidence to demonstrate that Samantha isn't a relic of the past, but a role model for the modern day as well. She is intelligent, articulate, principled, authentic and behaves with dignity and decorum. She also has fun!

All attributes, I think you will agree, are ones that we can all embrace.

PS Elizabeth Montgomery, who played this character, was a crusader for women’s and gay rights. From what I have read of her as a person, she was pretty amazing!

DETOXING YOUR HOME – Part 3

Cleaning your home properly to keep dust at bay is also important.

Many people have allergies to “dust mites” - it is in fact the faeces of the dust mites that cause problems.

Dust is often a major trigger for asthmatics – usually for this reason.

Dust is also laden with many other particulates, depending on where you live. It often contains car exhaust, tyre dust, hair, skin cells, dirt... Dust and dander are a bit like a good train - it collects and carries with it anything and everything that is light.

What to do??

• invest in microfibre cloths – these are fabulous as they usually just need the assistance of water to do a great job
• wet dust – use a wet dusting cloth (ideally microfibre) to clean off dust. Dry dusting just spreads it around and stirs it up
• if you have carpets, you will need to vacuum them regularly. If this is the case, ensure that your vacuum cleaner has a HEPA filter. HEPA filters filter out about 99.9% of particulates. Very important stuff!
• avoid using mainstream cleaners – they are laden with chemicals and fragrances... stick to microfibre cloths, sodium bicarbonate and vinegar
• getting rid of mould – this is complex one, but I will touch on it briefly here...
  • address and remedy the source (eg leak)
  • vacuum the mould with a HEPA vacuum cleaner
  • apply a vinegar solution and allow it to dry
• regularly wash bedding, toys and other “soft furnishings” - ideally dry everything in the sunshine
• get plants – they are fantastic
• open up your windows, exchange the air!
  
  
  
  
  

DETOXING YOUR HOME – Part 2

DETOXING YOUR HOME – Part 2

There are LOADS of things that you can do to detox your home...

So, without further ado, let's get down to business.

Open up your windows.

Aim to exchange all of the air from inside your home at least once a day.

Do you have gas heaters? Are they flued? Are they well maintained?

Gas heaters are particularly problematic if they are unflued.

They give off gasses including carbon monoxide.

Carbon monoxide? That rings a bell??

It should. It is what car exhaust is full of – it is deadly.

If you have an unflued gas heater, replace it immediately with one that is flued.

Any heating and/or cooling units need to be well-maintained. They need to be serviced at least every two years, but you also need to regularly clean the filters.

Make sure that the return air vent and the vent that allows the clean air in are also clean and unimpeded.

Stay tuned for more... same bat-time, same bat-channel.

Ode to Curtain Square

Across the road in my local park

many people play and lark.

It is such a lovely play to be

soak up sunshine, and just be.

But to my horror, oh my god -

Council's spraying grass and road!    

[that does rhyme, ok?)

Spraying it with herbicide

to kill all life from the inside.

It plays havoc, don't they know,

with how unborn babies grow!

They don't even wear a mask

while completing this dreadful task!

Detoxing Your Home - Part 1

DETOXING YOUR HOME – Part 1

Detoxing your home is also about detoxing your body. There is very little point in doing a liver detox, colonic or fast if you are immersed in a toxic environment.

Your home is surprisingly polluted.

Indoor air quality in many places is hazardous to health for several reasons:

• Many homes, particularly the newer “energy efficient homes” are not well ventilated. This is a problem because whatever is lingering in the air is being breathed in by you, over and over again. Adequate ventilation is vital! More on this later.
• The air in your home can become polluted by moulds and fungi – fungi is NOT a fun guy, far from it. Can you smell dampness anywhere? Can you see mould anywhere? If you answered “yes,” then we have a problem.
• Furniture smells – have you noticed the way that a piece of new furniture has a particular smell to it? This is the off-gassing of what is known as volatile organic compounds (VOCs). Chipboard is particularly problematic – all those little pieces of wood are held together with formaldehyde! (Formaldehyde? This causes cancer, it is a carcinogen.)
• Carpets smell – not only do they off-gas VOCs, but they are havens for dust, dust-mites, petro-chemicals and many other things that are traipsed through your home on your shoes.
• People – people add humidity, and sometimes pathogens (if they are sick). People also off-gas – their personal care products mingle and give off a smell.

All of these factors contribute to the air quality of your home (and workplace and car!)... And considering you spend (on average) 90% of your time indoors, that's a lot of pollutants that you are inhaling.

“Why are all men bastards?"

Angie sits across from me in our favourite cafe, sobbing. She's just broken up with Mr Fabulous – this one lasted six weeks. She is heart-broken.

So many questions: “Why? Why? How?” and worse still, “What's wrong with me?”

Angie's latest Mr Fabulous (Mr F) was almost identical to all the other Mr F's she's ever been out with, entangled with, or been attracted to. They are all the same.

You know how this story goes. You've been there too, or you know someone else who has.

And every time it ends, she is devasted and JUST KNOWS it's something to do with her.

Well, it isn't, and yet, it is.

The reason why these relationships end is because they are not right for her. It's a bad match. Clear to an observer, but devastingly unclear to Angie.

How is it her then?

Well, I'm not saying that she is deeply flawed. What I am saying is that she is making the same choice. She is looking in the same places.

“Why are all men such bastards?” she will lament in, hmm, about another week or so from now.

Are they? I don't think they are.

The men she chooses are, and she chooses the same types of people over and over again. It doesn't work now, it didn't back then. But she just keeps choosing them.

If you search and look under every rock, you will find the type of guy that dwells under rocks. My cynical friends might call them “snakes.” If you search in muddy swamps, no doubt you will find the rhinos or pigs. Just like searching in pubs leads you to... well, you know what I mean.

If this is what you want, go for it.

But if what you want is something different, then you need to look somewhere else. The guys that bring a ray of sunshine into the room aren't going to be in the back corner of a dark gloomy cave. They will be up high, shining brightly, so try looking up instead.

Hold the horses, really, before we look out there, let's look inside.

Usually, there is a lot to heal. I always recommend that between relationships, people need at least a year to heal. Not just to rediscover who you were (women are incredibly good at losing themselves in relationships) but to discover who you are.

Sounds pretty much the same, but it's not.

I'm talking some serious soul-searching, deep-digging, demon-facing time.

When we repeatedly make the same choices, especially ones that end badly, we are not “getting” the lessons from our experiences.

Why not? Maybe because we are not ready to learn or change.

How do we get these lessons? People are different, so different things work for different people.

One technique I really like is to make lists. Lists mean I can clear my head. Lists mean I can see what I am thinking/feeling... Lists mean I can make comparisons.

Try making a list (or a table) of all the ex's. Write down the things you liked about them and the things you didn't. Be honest. This is just for you.

Find the common elements – positive and negative.

Try to see the pattern, because there is one.

See if you can make the link back to you – why are you always choosing the same thing? This can be a painful process, and sometimes it is worth coming back to in a few days time. Sometimes it is best to do it with the help of a professional (eg a clinical psychologist).

Then, make a new list. This list ideally should be pages long. Make a list of all the attributes you would like in a partner. Not just any partner, your ideal partner.

Honestly reflect on this list. Is there any reason that you are not pursuing this? Anything that is holding you back here will mean that Mr Perfect cannot be a part of your life. These reasons will need to be sorted out properly.

Sometimes the reasons may be “I'm not ready for a 'real' relationship,”or “I don't deserve this,” or “I'm not good enough”...

Well, sister (or brother), let me tell you here and now – YOU DESERVE THE VERY BEST.

We all do.

We also “owe” the world something – we need to be the very best person that we can be.

Constantly strive to do your very best and be your best. Remember that this does not mean you have to be perfect at all times – gee, we're human, that's not possible. But, as long as we are doing our best, we cannot possibly regret and lament that we should have done/been better.

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I am a Chinese herbal medicine practitioner and acupuncturist.

I work with people who are ready to change – change their health, change their lives, make some change in some way.

In my role, I assist my clients in treading their brighter path.

For more information, please visit my website www.brighterpaths.com.au

What my mum got right

What my mum got right

Too often I hear people blaming all that is wrong in their lives on their parents.

I guess it's a big part of our culture, and I think it is based in Freud's thinking. I am not talking James Freud, although he was one clever bunny. But I am talking Sigmund.

Sigmund related much of our adult behaviours and problems to what happened in childhood. Maybe we had problems toilet-training, so that makes us “anally retentive,” or trouble with being weaned from the breast – and, no, fellas, that does not excuse any breast obsessions!

Parents are human. Parents became parents without training, without manuals, without rule books. They had to work it out as they went. None are perfect. The absolute majority did what they thought was best at the time.

I want to dedicated this blog to my mother who is now in her eighties.

Mum brought  us up on her own (at least for the first six years of my life). She somehow managed to make ends meet on the tiny pension she got, with both of us below school-age. How she managed this, I don't think I will ever know, this is not what I want to share with you today.

What I want to share are some of her ingenious child-rearing practices.

1. Calendar Days (this only works if there are two children)
   Calendar Days is a system by which children get equal turns at things. My brother chose to be even, and I chose odd (funny that!). Every second day, you got to choose which shows to watch on television, which records (aka CDs) we would listen to, and even which bedtime story was to be shared. Any choice that needed to be made was made  by the one who's “day it was.”
   Genius!!
   
   
2. The Fine System
   We got given a small amount of “pocket money” - I think it was $1 a week. Pocket Money day was the same day each week. There were no advances. It was how it was.
   Linked in with this, was a Fine System. All of our unacceptable behaviour was given a monetary value, and it would come off our pocket money.
   If following the rules was really hard one week, you may not end up with much, or sometimes none at all.
   We quickly learned that there were consequences for our actions. Consequences that we didn't like.
   At a later stage, a Reward System was also introduced. This meant that is we did above and beyond our usual jobs we would get a set reward.

3. The Ejector Seat Button
   This one was scary!
   My brother and I liked to bicker in the car – well, to be honest, I think we bickered anywhere and everywhere. Poor Mum had to somehow drive AND cope with us. Hence the invention of the Ejector Seat Button.
   Even whilst writing this I say it with awe and fear.
   In the midst us carrying on, Mum would calmly state, “I am reaching for the Ejector Seat Button,” as she leaned slightly towards the gear stick.
   Both of us had fertile imaginations, the vision of us flying out through the roof of the car and up into the air was vivid!
   It worked every single time! (Heck, it might even still work now!)
   
   
4. The Bedtime Story
   Often at the end of the day, Mum was exhausted. She was too tired to read. But she also highly valued the bedtime story (I think no child should ever go to sleep without a bedtime story, but I digress).
   So, she would lay back on one of our beds and tell us one.
   Vivid imaginations certainly ran in the family – and I am very grateful that they do!
   
   
5. Belief in Us
   Mum has been amazing.
   She has been such a great mother, and also such a great friend.
   This final thing I am about to share with you is one of the most incredible things that my mother has ever done. She does it day in, day out. She does not falter in it. She does not even realise the power of what she has done. She only knows about it because I thank her again and again.
   She believes in us.
   She is honest. She will tell us what she really thinks. She expresses her concerns. She may even advise against. But, whatever it is that we choose to do, she supports us no matter what.
   She honestly, and completely, believes in us.
   I think that this is the most valuable gift a parent can give.
   It means that we believe in ourselves, too.

Thank you, Mum! You are a massive inspiration to me.

I hope that these five ideas of yours will be a massive inspiration to others, too!

Gee, I would love to hear ways that your parents have inspired you, too...